Letting On Of The Past & Letting Go Of The Men

So today I have made the decision to move on. My dad had another baby and that's that. I decided to start over with my relationship with my dad it will take time, but the best choice for me is to move on and getting over all the hurt he caused me. I think this will be the first start in me finding out the person I truly would love to be. On another note that's also getting out of my relationship with Doc. Its unhealthy and goes against everything I believe in. The weirdest part is that I talked to him from 9pm until 2am and doing the whole conversation I felt like I was pretending to be someone I am not. I was nervous and constantly making sure I was saying the right things. When did I become that women?? Also the worst part is I never felt any closer to someone that I only met a few months ago.  But its unhealthy and of course he lives miles away and has the biggest commitment issues. That's just the start of the problems. But now I am ready to move on.

Daddy Issues??

So I am 19 and dating a 36 year old man. Its not weird to me because I have had some kind of attraction to older men but I never really knew why. Until today. See my dad was an AMAZING dad left his kids for a 27 year old woman when I was 12. He didn't speak to me until I was 16 and he came to visit me when I was 17. But then he left again when I was 18 for another women who was 26 and now at age of 19 my father has had another baby. The hardest put is that he didn't even call to tell me I learned from social media. The first thing I did was ball it up because I don't need an of my friends or family feeling bad for me, but there was one person I had to tell and that was my mystery man. I guess I should give him a name like Doc since he is a doctor. But he was the first person I thought of when I felt this pain that is so unbearable that I can't talk about with no one else not even my closest friends. Is it me?? Do I have daddy issues and have to confine in a man 17 years older than me because I am missing the protection, and love from my own dad and have to get it from a man. Are is it that I am completely heads over hills with Doc that he is the only person who I can tell everything too. Maybe its just the man, the only man I feel connected with besides God. I don't know and I probably won't ever know but the worst my relationship with my dad and family gets the closer I feel to Doc.

I'm a Hypocrite

I never thought the day would come when I realized I was a HYPOCRITE. I have been giving advice to my best friend Amy for the past six months but the same advice I have been giving her is the same advice I need to follow. See Amy is beautiful probably one of the most beautiful girls I know but for some reason she lets guys treat her like shit. She is also taking care of a man weather its giving them a place to live, feeding them, and even giving them her hard working money. So for the past six months I HATE this loser she is dating. I think he is a liar, and cheat but she loves him, and I don't understand why. Until now I guess. See I haven't told any of my friends about this mystery guy. They know I am dating someone and that's it but they don't know he is not Mr. Perfect. See yesterday I went on this rant about being stupid and finding out he was dating someone else. After yelling at him and telling him I will never ever ever talk to him again but its something about him that I can't explain. Maybe its never knowing what he is thinking and what will come out of his mouth, or its that he is so successful that I feel like I don't have anything to offer him but he still wants me, and I don't understand why. Every guy I have been with wanted some kind of commitment yet he hates it. He does not believe in marriage he just wants to travel the world. And I don't know what to make of it I NEVER thought I would be one of them girls. I am strong I don't let guys treat me like trash or belittle me yet this one guy can make me forgive him with one simple word "Sorry". What do I do?, or what can I do? I have never been this confused, and felt so stupid that I can't just follow my own advice.

Why Can't Love Be a Like the Fairytales or Like the Love we See On Movies

So it happened again. I was just having an amazing day blogging and talking about MOVING on. My love life sucked but it was getting better A LOT better. See I met a guy a few months ago, and for the first time EVER I thought I got it RIGHT. This felt different it had to be different. Unlike with most of my relationships I decided to keep this one on the DL (DOWNLOW) , I didn't need anyone in my business or giving me bad advice I didn't need, or wanted. Also he older meaning he mature and should have it together by now. He is a doctor so I didn't have to worry about trying to help someone find a job or let anyone borrow money (I think he all had that guy). This was easy and fun, and the best part of it all he was understanding and a stand up guy, but like times before I was wrong. Instead of being the man I thought he was he was the man I been with many times before. He texted me thinking I was someone else. How do I know you ask??? Well its a long distant thing but he travels so much we are able to see each other but what ever girl he texted last night was the girl he was cuddling that night and couldn't wait to see again. So yes I was two timed again. Why is it so hard why can't I find my Mr. Big, my Prince Charming, My Edward (not Edward from Twlight but Edward from Pretty Woman). Why can't I have that Fairytale love???? I know that doesn't exist but sometimes I just have to ask myself. But before I get off to eat a HUGE piece of cake, and watch Pretty Woman I just want to let you guys know that this is another learning experience. Trust me there will be a update

Defining Ourselves & Getting Over a Ex

So I have the worst dating life EVER. I have cared about someone like we all have, and of course been hurt. I have given someone my trust who did not deserved it, and I loved someone who was not capable of being loved. So why is it so hard to get over it??? My best friend is going through this now being hurt by someone she through she would be spending her life with. Sometimes I think its so easy to see the good in people when in our hearts we know the truth. We spend so much time defending a relationship that was toxic from the beginning. So how am I getting over my ex??? First is not getting in another relationship. I have seen this many times once a relationship is over a week later you are with someone new. That's not healthy and plus what have you learn?? Every relationship is a new learning experience and maybe you should take what you learn from each relationship and work on yourself. Also having no way to contact you ex or giving him no way to contact you. Why keep in touch with someone who isn't right for you. But the best way to move is to put all your work and time in something that means a lot to you. Founding and having something that no one can take away from you because its yours. Something that a MAN can not take always from you. Something that defines you and I know some women need a man to define the person that they are but maybe if more women learned about their self worth and had something worth living for we would not have such a hard time getting over someone. So that's my tips on redefining ourselves and getting over ex's

The Carrie Diaries Season Finale Review & Why it Should Come Back For a Third Seadon

I hate that the season is over, and even worst the show may not ever come back. So yes I did cry, and not only because the season finale was amazing, but also because the fact that I will no longer be living my life through Carrie Bradshaw on Friday nights anymore. My love for Sex In The City is one of the reasons why I also wanted to become a writer. So once the show ended and I learned and I learned that the Carrie Diaries season was coming to the CW I knew I just had to watch. Many people did not have faith in the show, but I knew it would be pretty good, and I was right. The show is about a young Carrie and her life as a teen. She goes through what we are all going through, or been through. She is a young girl trying to find herself. The other characters on the show are just as amazing. Like her little sister Dorrit who is a badass and does not care about what anyone thinks of her. We see their relationship grow throughout the show. Also her father and how close their bond is, Something we did not get in Sex and The City, We also see her CRAZY OVER the TOP boss Larissa who we all have in our lives. Someone who will take a chance on us, and who we learn from. I think we all have that friend who screws up a lot, and who never really had their own dreams but instead always had to have a boyfriend and that's Maggie for Carrie. You have the over achieving friend an that's of course Mouse. And most of all there is THE ONE or should I say Mr. First Love and in this case its Sebastian. The love we see between them is amazing, and I think we had had that one person who we had to love to become a better us. Now that's the reasons I think there needs to be an another season. But yesterdays episode had me in tears yes I said it tears. Carrie is not working at Interview, or going to NYU instead she is living the New York dream. Sebastian and Carrie broke up and they are both living theirs dreams. Also Maggie is getting married which isn't to confusing she she always seemed like the girl in the group who would be. Walt and Bernett are still amazing, But the best scene of the night was the Break Up.

But how did you feel about the episode???

Not Living Up To Anyone Expection

So one of my favorite quotes are "When people see good they expect good, and I don't want to live up to anyone expections". I guess that is the way I have been living my life since I was 16. I never felt that anyone could understand me more than I have understood myself, and I NEVER wanted to explain my actions to anyone. A lot of people call me BITCH because I speak my mind, while others weather talk about people behind their backs. I guess I could never be that person ho spends so much time thinking about what others feel about me that I spend a lot of being someone I am not. Like smiling in people faces when I hate the thought of spending an minute with them. Also I love what I do like writing and I will never let anyone tell me this is not a real job because I know that if I could not write I don't know where I would be. Some people don't consider it a job but because other peoples expectations don't bother me I will keep writing. Do you guys sometimes feel the same???