To small to be plus size yet to big to be skinny but why can't I just be Emily

So I have struggle with my weight for years. I don't remember a time where I was skinny enough to not worry every minute about what goes in my body. I hate gaining weight but in the last five years thats all I have been doing. I guess after my mother found out about me only eating 20 cheerios a day and helping me stop obessessing over my weight I have been finding out who I am. But thats my problem I don't know who I am. I know I am 19 and I am going to find myself but its hard. I work at a plus size fashion store and most of the women tell me I am to small to be working at the store or they tell me that I need to gain a little more weight before I understand their struggle. They make a few jokes about me thinking I am fat or they laugh at me because I have a dream of being a plus size model. I laugh and I laugh even more after I put together an outfit that looks like it just step off of a runway. The best part is when they come back and asked for the "lil skinny girl". Sometimes I wish it was that easy and I was the "lil skinny girl" to most of the world but I am not I am the "fat girl". I remember homecomings not being able to find the proper dress because my breasts were to huge or being the biggest braidsmaid in my cousin wedding. I have had trouble for years to find an amazing swim suit for a low price but we all know thats impossible. Growing up plus size with no money to buy a lot of the clothes you want is hard so if I could be that "lil skinny girl" I would be her in a heartbeat. But i am not that skinny girl I am the girl with the dream of becoming a large force in the plus size scene. i am also the girl who will someday become a plus size model. I might be finding myself but I knwo what I want. I have always had this dream. Talking to girls who are like me. No I am not the biggest person in the world but I am also not the smallest. I am overweight but not 100 pounds overweight. I am the girl who is in the middle. But I won't be there for long. If you understand me please comment. I will be writing a new post everyday.